NHT's Writing Desk

 medicine dream, or shamanic journey, experienced before i was 4


Medicine Dream 1*

Pa was patriarch of the landlady’s family -
we weren't related, but he and i had a special bond.

Then one night i had a dream ...
Pa and i were walking down the road by our house 
into a warm, benignly blinding sunshine -
everything glowed,
the trees, the birds, the sky, the brook, the Earth, everything
and i thought it was because of how much i loved this man ...
we were heading toward the babbling, splashing of the brook
that ran by where we lived –
It was up ahead right after the crook in the road –

it was where catching tadpoles reigned supreme in spring
and where the dry summer culvert beneath the road
was the bestest-ever hide-and-seek spot 
but only if whoever was ‘it’ didn’t know the culvert’s seasonal habits …
it was also the best place if you just wanted to be alone –
i remember, by walking on the sides, i could hide even when the brook ran …
sitting inside, i'd listen for the echo of my name being called, 
sometimes just needing to know that no-one knew where i was…

the brook was one of our limits –
don’t go past the brook

Further on down the road way beyond my territory
was the neighbourhood candy store that staunchly held to its 1890’s origins –
it even smelled old mixed in with tons of penny candy –
in a few years when my limits would become the covetted candy store itself,
my aries/pisces cusp closed the joint down one day after school
trying to decide how to spend my penny –
on one of those cones with marshmallow ice cream
or on 2 for a penny mint juleps, my absolute favourite?
I decided on the former and was sorely disappointed.

Pa coughed lightly and i looked up sideways at him
considering that maybe 
he was taking me to the candy store -

suddenly my whole self was drawn upward, outward 
until i realized i could see both Pa and myself walking down below,
hand in hand on the shiny ribbon-like road -
that even though somehow outside myself,
yet at once i was simultaneously watching from two different perspectives -
inside me and outside me - 
and still from both vantage points yet a third pov triangulated
wherein detachment made me an onlooker observing it all -

when we arrived at the brook, this old man and little girl, 
Pa stopped and stooped down to the earthbound me,
his face full of familiar kindness mixed with unfamiliar sadness.
The observer me watched impartially patient
as the old man lightly touched the little girl's cheek, 
cocked his head ever so gently to the side
and said quietly, "You can't go any further with me this time."

the internal me didn't understand, but she stood silently obedient
as he began to walk away, his manner clear that she must not follow.
she watched silently as he disappeared around the bend
and angels wept at the young heart shattered.

The next morning when i awoke,
muffled voices, more than usual, filled the small house.
i remembered my dream and began asking, "Pa? Where's Pa?"
Someone leaned down and whispered in my ear.
Pa’s dead, dear…sh!

The words whorled me back into the Dreamtime, and i bolted outside,
running and crying, "i want to go with you - Pa, wait for me!"
i wanted to at least walk with him to the brook.

Many years would pass before i realized that i did walk with him to the brook!



NHT
©2002
all rights reserved


*a medicine dream is one from which something manifests into ordinary reality


related reading: -- Psychopomp

                                     --   the Dreamtime