NHT's Writing Desk

 OR and NOR
so easy even a child can do it

I was quite young when i observed reality being manipulated –
of course, really what i’d unwittingly discovered was how to access non-ordinary reality (NOR), 
which by virtue implies ordinary reality (OR)–
But there'd be no words for what i knew, or witnessed, until many many years later –
and even when i finally encountered the two concepts, it took a few more years 
for me to own the idea of dimension travel …
that the first time i'd ‘shifted dimensions’ i was about three or four –
modern day shamanism (thanks in part to Michael Harner) refers to this as 'journeying'

As would be expected, abandoned ones are often visited by night terrors, 
and i was no different.
i would often awaken, and most of the time, i would lie in bed quietly, 
get my bearings (the hall light helped), and fall back to sleep unaided …
Dreamtime has always been home to me, far more comforting than OR, 
so no-one ever knew about the nightmares  - 
even as a child, Scorpio rising keeps its own counsel.

But this night, 
even with the hallway light spilling into my room through a crack of the slightly opened door, 
this night there was no comfort –
my brain reached for a voice to cry out to my caretakers, 
but this night there was just open-mouthed, silent emptiness –
terror rose paralyzing my breathing –
my body vibrated with a regular beat,  a pounding in my ears actually,
but i didn’t know what the sound was or what a heart was for that matter -

terror amped again ferociously, as something in the light shaft moved,
the corner of my closet door,
 curling down on itself, 
around an invisible diagonal axis –
i blinked - the hallucination continued uninterrupted –

Totally distracted now from the terror, i watched mesmerized.
The door rolled further down, revealing everything inside the closet –
my clothes hanging, the mess i’d made when told to ‘put your toys away’,
my mary janes that i hardly ever got to wear, 
those muddy boots from the other day -
the shelf with all the really interesting stuff that was ‘too old’ for me 
i could see it all 

and then suddenly, the door returned to solid, ordinary reality (OR)
in the very same instant i realized that my terror had vanished

i remember being intrigued by wonder at how a regular closet door could vanquish terror …
i did not realize that it was i, driven by terror,  who had pushed the limits of reality –
trauma will do that.
In the face of it, trauma offers only two choices –
either the trauma and its effects beat us down,
or we learn to use the trauma’s energy to manipulate OR

in my lifetime, i’ve met many others on this medicine path 
who have suffered severe trauma and/or other mental illnesses -
in fact, it’s somewhat a bit of an inside joke, that trauma almost seems a requisite  …

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related reading:

     ---  Medicine Dream 1
     ---  Piano
     ---  the dreamtime  
     ---  stranger on a greyhound

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